Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
