you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
