you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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