We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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