Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
