You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
