Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
