Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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