I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
