just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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