and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
