i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
