We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
