dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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