Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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