Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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