So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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