Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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