her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
