I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
