i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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