Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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