are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
