Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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