Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
