I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
