There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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