I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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