I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
