Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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