You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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