look no pants
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
