he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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