All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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