it was like eating out sand paper
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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