I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
