hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
