Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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