Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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