the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
