her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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