at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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