Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
