I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
