yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
