I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Help. Why am I so naked?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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