I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
