The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
