he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
