Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
