Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
