Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
