I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
