ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
