Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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