Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
