god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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