He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
