this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
