I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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