so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
