if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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