I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
