Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
