mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
