i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
