I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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