Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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