Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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