Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer

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(540): View more from Virginia

Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...

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(205): View more from Alabama

No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.

(1-205): View more from Alabama

Can I get that on a shirt

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger

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(609): View more from New Jersey

jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face

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(720): View more from Colorado

If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities

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(309): View more from Illinois

If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.

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