At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
