I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently the secret to your success is patron
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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