@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
