I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sorry about my life...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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