you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i think i have two assholes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
