The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't put those talents on a resume
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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