Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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